snot rags & grocery bags: Our Stoli

This past Friday we had to say goodbye to our sweet Stoli. Many tears were cried, and I spent sometime that afternoon looking through old pictures of our time together. I had been begging Matt for a dog, and he had promised me when he got his promotion, which required him to travel, that we could get one. I didn't want to be home alone, and wanted someone to come home to. We were so lucky that we were looking for a dog at the very time Stoli needed a new home. The moment I saw her she reminded me of my childhood dog, Maggie, and I knew she was meant for us. She became a part of our family in January 2008.

She cuddled with me at night when Matt was out of town, who am I kidding, she slept on our bed even when he was home. He swore she wouldn't be allowed on the bed... that lasted all of a few hours. When Lucas was born she would come lay by the rocking chair as I nursed him, and she did the same when Caleb was born. Up until the last week or so she would come looking for me in the middle of the night, find me in Caleb's room, and lay down until I was done feeding him. She was most definitely my girl, and I so appreciate all of the love and company she brought into my life.

With her passing I was most worried about Lucas. He has loved Stoli since the day he knew she existed. His first word was dog. He was looking right at her, pointed, and clear as day said, "Dog!" I always would say they have a love-hate relationship, with Lucas doing most of the loving, and Stoli doing most of the hating. Sometime he would just drive her crazy, but she'd just lick him and move on. I know she loved him too. For the past couple of months I had been talking to Lucas about Stoli having to go to Heaven one day, as we could tell her health was steadily declining. She was 16 years old, and time was not on our side. I was trying to prepare him for the reality that she wouldn't be with us forever. I was not sure how much it would help, but I do know now that some of our talks sunk in.

Last Friday morning, Stoli started having one of her coughing attacks she frequently had these days, and wanted to go outside. I was walking with her to the back door when she fell over and began having a seizure. Lucas was nearby, and he could tell I was upset. I held her until it was over, then carried her to her bed. She wouldn't move on her own, and I was petting her and talking to her with tears running down my cheeks. My heart told me this was it. Lucas came into our room, sat down next to Stoli, began petting her gently and telling her, "It's okay Stoli, you'll be in Heaven soon, it's okay." In that moment I knew preparing him was exactly what was right. I called our vet, who is an amazing woman, and a Godsend. When I got off the phone, Lucas asked who I called, and if I had called God because Stoli was going to Heaven. What a blessing this child is. He sure made his mommy smile in these moments when my heart was just breaking.

Before I left to take Stoli to see the vet, Lucas gave her a big hug. Thankfully Matt's mom was able to come be with the boys and Matt met me at the vet's office. Stoli wouldn't walk on her own, so I carried her in and just held her. I knew it was time, and I could tell she knew it was too. The doctor agreed her quality of life was no longer good, and agreed helping her along was the way to go. There would be no more pain for my sweet girl. I held Stoli tight, told her I loved her so much, and thanked her for all of the love and wonderful memories she has given me. She passed very peacefully in my arms. I know she is in a better place, running around like a puppy and munching on an endless supply of treats. She wasn't just our dog, she was a member of our family. I miss her terribly, we all do.

Some pictures to show how this sweet pup blessed our lives... really this is just a snippet of the pictures I have of her... a trip down memory lane. We love you Stoli-oli-oli!